Your tweets, decoded

An incomplete list of commonly tweeted sentiments and what they really mean:

Tweet: 'Prepping for a Conference Call!'

Decoded: Eating skittles, tweeting, and spending 73 seconds looking at your website before the call starts

Tweet: It was awesome catching up with @JoeWhoHasNotMuchElseToDoAtTheMoment!

Decoded: Joe called me, and I felt bad, so I answered

Tweet: C'mon @MajorInternationalAirline - when is this plane going to leave! 25 minutes parked at the gate!

Decoded: Crickets, as @MajorInternationalAirline is not compelled to spring immediately to action, not really worried that your 37 followers will rise up in protest.

Tweet: Join us for #TwitterChatThatConsistsOfTheSame30PeopleRetweetingEachOtherWithLotsOfExclamationPoints at 8PM Tonight!

Decoded: I don't have much happening right now.

Tweet: RT @LargeInternationalNewsAgency - Huge blizzard heading to New England states tonight.

Decoded: Just in case the one person in New England who has not yet heard the news about the upcoming winter storm happens to be following me AND is on Twitter right now at this exact moment, then Phew! they will be warned

Tweet: RT @EllenShow - If only Bradley's arm was longer Best photo ever. #Oscars

Decoded: Neither Ellen, or any of the other people in this picture know or care who you are. But thanks for the Twitter love!

Tweet: Be the change you wish to see in the world. #quote

Decoded: I have nothing interesting to say. Please read something interesting a different person once said.

Tweet: The @MySillyTwitterHandle Daily is out! Featuring stories by @EllenShow -  www.noonewillclickthis.li

Decoded: I set up this 'auto-tweeting daily summary' four years ago, and I forgot how to turn it off

Tweet: @SuperstarAthleteFromProfessionalSports You stink! You are terrible! You don't know how to play!

Decoded: If I were only fifty pounds lighter, seven inches taller, and actually possessed some modicum of athletic ability, I would be down balling at the YMCA over 40 league right now instead of sitting on the couch.

Tweet: RT @SteveBoese - New post: Your tweets, decoded - www.thisisterrible.com

Decoded: I really need to turn off my auto-tweeting of that idiot's blog posts