Hockey Fan (it's not me it's you)
Steve'It's not you, it's me.'
The classic break up line used mainly by guys who want to weasel out of a romantic relationship with the least amount of prolonged discussion or lengthy drama. The 'it's not you, it's me' position attempts to effectively stifle dialogue by making it impossible for the 'you' in the debate to effectively counter-argue.
NHL Winter Classic 2011
'But I can change'
'It's not you, it's me'
'I can be more understanding'
'It's not you, it's me'
'I can get rid of the cat', (ok, that one never happens)
'It's not you, it's me'. You get the idea.
But often in the real world when we are trying to convince people of the value or excitement of a sport or hobby, the merits of an artist, or even a point of view on weightier matters like political, social, or economic policy'; we erroneously apply the 'It's not me, it's you' argument.
A simple (and certainly unimportant) example can be seen in how fans and aficionados of professional ice hockey tend to discuss their affinity for the sport, particularly with people that do not share their interest and enthusiasm. Often you will see hockey fan say things to non-fans like - 'You need to invest some time and get to know the game', 'You just don't appreciate the skills of the players and nuances of the game', or 'You really need to attend a game live and in-person to truly appreciate the sport', and so on.
And sometimes those kind of arguments come of as a little condescending, similar to the way connoisseurs of wine or abstract art can sound when expounding on the value and virtues of their interests. It's fantastic to be engaged, proud, and excited about your passion, it sucks to back-handedly denigrate the rest of us that may not share those passions.
And since most of the convincing we need to do in our work is arguably more important than wrangling up a few more folks to watch the Winter Classic, I think we (myself included) would be well served to remember some simple truisms.
The better way to get people to buy in to your idea, adopt your proposal, read your blog, or subscribe to your worldview is not to try to convince them that they have a problem or are somehow lacking in intelligence or insight. But rather to realize that perhaps your point of view is the unusual one, the one that does not have obvious or inherent value to your audience, and is possibly too radical a departure from the norm to be easily adopted.
I am not a huge ice hockey fan. And no number of 'You just don't get it' arguments will make me more likely to tune in.
In conclusion, you may have found this post to be dull, uninformative, and wholly not worth your attention. For that I apologize.
Trust me, it's not you, it's me.
Reader Comments (6)
I promise not to try and convert you as long as you don't try to convince me that NBA basektball is a good sport to watch. Deal?
Well played, John. I've never understood the attraction to basketball.
I think there's a lesson here, too, that jives with what Steve is saying. A lot of people don't "get" hockey. It keeps the tribe smaller, closed, and a bit "special." You see someone wearing a Jets sweater (Winnipeg, not Jersey) and you think "Yup. One of us." We see and identify, even without knowing if it's true.
When we write or discuss in our business community, we sometimes parse others into groups like us and unlike us. I'm betting there's a ton of poor assumptions made daily as those groups are created. So maybe we need to think a little more about those assumptions.
Steve's point of it being "me, not you" rolls into it. I can't control "you", know "you" or make assumptions about "you" be true. I can only control "me." So it's up to us (as a bunch of "me" units) to provide something of value and explain the application, rather than point out all the "you" issues.
I like it.
I still don't understand why anyone would wear a Winnipeg Jets jersey. That team became a zombie the moment that it traded Dave Babych for Ray Neufeld. The team was dead and just didn't realize it until it moved to Phoenix.
It took me a lifetime to get into football. I viewed it as a waste of time. When I was ready to sit down and watch and learn, I did. And today I love it. But there was absolutely no changing my mind back then. I had to get there on my own.
Hockey still sucks as far as I'm concerned, tho. :)
I went to one San Jose Sharks once years ago. It was an amazingly energizing fast-paced violent blur of competitive eloquence on ice.
And cold.
I've never been back.
@John - Fair point. One of the interesting observations about hockey, unlike basketball, is that the vast majority of people have actually played some kind of basketball in their lives, while a much smaller percentage have actually played ice hockey.
@Dwane - Thanks, I think that was what I was going for.
@Steven - Nice job on the WJets reset!
@Col - Thanks Col - Happy New Year!
@Kevin - Well you can cross that off your list!